


If I'm Being Honest

by cristalrush



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Emotionally confused Louis, Famous Louis, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, M/M, No Actual Cheating, No cheating, Non-Famous Harry, Oral Sex, Rimming, Smut, Top Harry, Top Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-21 00:50:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11932875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cristalrush/pseuds/cristalrush
Summary: “You promise to call every day?” Harry asks as he holds Louis tight. “Of course, my love. I couldn’t go a day without hearing your voice. Silly boy,” he whispers in his ear.They share one more kiss and then Louis is following Alberto to board the plane. Harry watches him go but he cannot shake the uneasy feeling he has in his stomach.  He wishes he could go with him but he has his job and it’s good to spend some time apart. They have made it through Louis’ tours before, they will get through this one too. They have to.Or, the one where Louis is in a band and Harry is his music teacher boyfriend. They have been together for 7 happy years but when Louis’ band goes back on tour after their hiatus, things start to go wrong. Now they need to figure out if they really want to be together.





	If I'm Being Honest

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by The Chainsmokers song [Honest](https://youtu.be/Lsv5IeI8bA8)  
> Especially after I read what the song is about, I had to turn it into a fic. From their Facebook:  
>  _The message is dark and revealing of a personal moment, but it’s real for anyone who has ever thought about someone outside their relationship. We love this song because it challenges the thought that love and temptation are mutually exclusive. We all want to be happy and in love, but in reality of most relationships, there are still times of darkness, loneliness, and temptation despite our love for the other person._
> 
> I promise there is a happy ending! Enjoy!

Harry and Louis met when Harry had just turned 17, and Louis was 19. Harry had been studying in the library all day when two boys walked in. It was the one wearing red trousers with braces that caught Harry’s attention. He couldn’t stop looking, well until he got caught and he quickly ducked his head, but the boy was already walking towards him by then. Louis was a little menace back then, not that he isn’t still today, but back then he loved winding people up, making them embarrassed and uncomfortable. Which is why he asked Harry with no hesitation and a little mischief in his eye, if he liked what he saw.

Harry looked up to him, focusing only on the boy’s beautiful blue eyes, and found all he could do was nod. Louis was mesmerising, and Harry felt like he was enchanted from the start. Louis wasn’t used to getting that kind of response, usually people looked away fast, started to mumble something incoherent and quickly left. But not Harry, he just sat there staring up at Louis, with this beautiful goofy smile on his face, showing off his dimples.

To look back now, neither of them had stood a chance. It was love at the first sight, or as Harry likes to say, they were infatuated from the get go. They ended up exchanging numbers that evening and a month later they were a couple.

When Louis decided to apply for the X Factor, Harry was his biggest cheerleader. Louis got through the first rounds before being put into a group with three other boys; Luke, Liam and Zayn -The Rogues. They made it through to the live shows easily, getting better and better each week until the final. They ended up getting third place on the show, and even though they hadn’t won, they had grown a huge following during the X Factor and were soon offered a record deal.

Luckily for Louis he had been out from the start, and Harry had been introduced as his boyfriend when the show aired. The public loved Harry as much as they loved Louis, and The Rogues. He was there at every live show next to Louis’ family, always showing his support. And that, that meant the world to Louis.

The day after The Rogues signed their first record deal Louis told Harry he loved him. Harry had been a little worried if getting a record deal and an upcoming tour might make Louis forget about him, but even if they were so young, they made it work. When Harry decided to have a gap year, he travelled the world with the band. Harry had become close friends with Liam, Luke and Zayn so they didn’t mind having Harry along. Liam always said Louis was better company when Harry was around. He said that Harry calmed Louis down, or maybe it was the regular sex he was having. Louis smacked Liam on the head when the topic came up but he silently had to agree, Harry made him want to be better, and the sex was great of course.

After his gap year, Harry went to university in London to study music. He loved writing lyrics and melodies, but didn’t want to be on stage, he left that part to Louis. Slowly, Louis had also started to work on writing songs, and by the time it came to work on The Rogues’ third album Louis was one of the main writers. He used to write the most while they were on tour, and almost every night he would send Harry a little snippet of lyrics he had written or a little recording of him humming a new melody. Harry loved that more than he ever told Louis. It meant that even if Louis was on the road he was thinking of Harry.

When Louis and Harry had been together for six years, The Rogues had been touring for almost five and the boys decided that it was time to take a little break. Their fans were having meltdowns thinking the band had broken up, but the boys promised they would be back in a year with a new album and new energy. They just needed time to reload and find new inspiration.

Harry was over the moon about getting Louis home, to get to wake up with him every morning, hear his voice, hold him, kiss him whenever he wanted. Yes, Harry was excited to get Louis home. Louis had bought them a house when Harry had decided to get his teaching qualification in his final year of university. Harry had protested, a lot, saying Louis shouldn’t waste his money on him, he could live in student housing until Louis was home for a longer period and even then, they could rent a place. But Louis loved spoiling the ones he loved, and he loved Harry more than anyone, so he had bought them a house. They had decorated it together during a two-week break Louis had had from touring. Harry loved that house. It looked like them mashed together. It had Louis’ football and comic stuff meshed with Harry’s indie style. Somehow it all worked, just like Louis and Harry did.

Their first night in the house Louis had made love to Harry on their new bed, and told him he wanted to marry him one day. Harry came on the spot and Louis never stopped teasing him about it, but what could Harry do, Louis telling about his plans for their future made him lose his mind.

Of course, there were also hard times. Sometimes Harry missed Louis so much he couldn’t even talk to him, hearing Louis’ voice hurt too much. Harry had always been a very tactile person, and he needed to be able to touch, so usually when things got really bad Louis would fly home for couple of days or even just for one night. He was ready to do anything for Harry. Sometimes Harry surprised Louis on tour too, he could pop in and be with him for a week or so and then go back to uni. After Harry started to teach he wasn’t able to visit Louis as much, but he still did, whenever he could.

Now though, the tour life was finally over for a while and they were together again, and for the first time as adults. It was their time to figure out what kind of couple they were outside touring, and The Rogues.

\--------------------------------

The first official morning of the hiatus, Louis wakes up to Harry sucking his cock. “Oh god. Your mouth,” is the only thing he can say. He grabs Harry’s hair and tugs a little. Harry moans and sucks harder, his tongue pushing the vein under Louis’ cock. He speeds up his movements, and then it’s a game over for Louis, he comes hard in Harry’s mouth.

“Baby come up here. I need to kiss you,” Louis whines while trying to get Harry to move up. Harry kisses his way up, finally finding Louis’ mouth. “Good morning, baby” he whispers and kisses Louis. He starts to grind his hard cock against Louis’ thigh but Louis has other ideas.

“I want to return the favour. Come on, love,” Louis says while pushing Harry on his back. Harry looks so beautiful like this, hair messed up by Louis’ hands, chest heaving and face red because he’s so turned on, his cock standing hard. Louis is so in love with this boy.

He takes Harry in his mouth and starts to suck. Harry lets out needy little whines while his hips start moving of their own accord. Louis lets him use his mouth, he loves when Harry loses himself in pleasure like this. He takes Harry deeper until his cock is hitting the back of his throat. He moans, letting the vibrations do the work. Harry’s movements become erratic and he’s soon coming undone into Louis’ mouth.

“I love you so much. I’m so happy to have you home. Finally having you all to myself,” Harry babbles while cuddling Louis, coming down from his high. Louis gives Harry little kisses all over his face. He’s so happy, to be home, to be with Harry, and most importantly to have no obligations to be anywhere away from Harry in the near future.

“I love you too, baby. So much,” Louis answers. “But could we maybe please sleep another few hours? The sun is just rising. Who even wakes up this early?” Louis teases Harry and tickles him.

“It was you that woke me up. You were hard and rutting against my bum. I had to do something!” Harry squeals while trying to get away from Louis’ tickling hands.

“I guess I just missed you so much, even in my sleep. It’s been awhile since I’ve had this lovely body of yours,” Louis says, kissing Harry’s neck. He has to leave a mark. He has always done that, ever since they started dating. Louis has been marking up Harry and Harry has always loved it. He likes to show he belongs to Louis.

“Well, now you can have me whenever you want, since we have all the time in the world,” Harry answers with a dreamy voice. He has so many plans for the upcoming year, holidays, days out, all the things they need to do around the house. Normal couple stuff they hadn’t had the chance to do before. It’s always been the band and education first, then them, but now it’s their time finally.

After a couple of weeks Louis has finally settled down. He’s realised he doesn’t have to be packing and preparing to go back on the road soon again. He has a WhatsApp group with the boys, but they had all agreed to not talk about music or about the band at all during the first month. They thought it was for the best, so they wouldn’t start regretting the hiatus.

Everything is peaceful and calm, but Louis has this itch like he should be doing something more. He loves spending time with Harry, don’t get him wrong, but it is all so new. They have to discover who they are as a couple now that they actually get to be a couple in everyday life. Louis should also figure out what he does when he’s not on the road, or recording or planning stuff for the band.

They go food shopping every week in their local supermarket, just like normal couples and visit the farmers market on the weekends, because Harry insists some things are just nicer from there. It all feels new to Louis. He has been staying at home only short periods of time since he was 19. He’s 25 now and it’s a lot to get used to. Harry has noticed how he has started to get a little more restless as the days go by, but when Harry starts looking for a job, things get even worse. Louis whines every time Harry is on his laptop not giving him the attention he wants. Of course, Louis could provide for him, but Harry wants to work, he loves teaching, and it would kill him to waste his education.

“Maybe you should take up a hobby or something?” Harry suggests one day while he’s looking for jobs and Louis keeps pulling his curls to get his attention. Louis looks up to him, “Are you saying you’re tired of my company? Already?”

Harry shakes his head. “Of course not, silly. But you’re so restless all the time. Maybe you should find something to do while I do my own things? Maybe you could learn how to play guitar? You’ve wanted to do that for years,” Harry suggests.

It’s not a bad idea. Louis has been dying to learn but he has never had the time. Harry even bought him a guitar last Christmas but he hasn’t had a chance to properly learn how to play it.

“That’s a good idea actually. I’ll do that,” Louis says and pecks Harry on the lips. “How do you always know what I need?” he asks in wonder. Harry just blushes like he always does when Louis talks like this. It’s quite adorable.

Louis throws himself into learning to play while Harry continues his job hunt. It’s important to Harry that Louis enjoys his free time. Even after six years of being together Harry still wonders sometimes why Louis is with him. There is nothing special about him. He’s just an ordinary boy from a small town. Whilst they did get to know each other when Louis was just a nobody like Harry, Louis has always had this aura around him. He shines so bright, especially on stage. Harry never doubted Louis wouldn’t make it big, but he still doesn’t understand why Louis loves him as much as he says he does.

Harry worships the ground Louis walks on. He would do anything for him. He’s written many songs about him, maybe as many as Louis has written for him, he just hasn’t shown him any, not yet anyway. He once played a song to Liam, who started to cry whilst he listened to Harry sing. “You really love him, don’t you?” was the only thing Liam could say. Maybe one day he'll share all the songs he has written about Louis to actual Louis.

By the end of July Harry has found a part time job teaching music in a local school. The classes start in September so they have a little while longer to enjoy their freedom together. Louis surprises Harry with a trip to Jamaica. They have the most amazing holiday, staying in private bungalow by the sea. Sleeping, swimming, and making love all day long. Harry feels like he has found his heaven on earth.

“I don’t want to go back,” he whines on the morning they fly back home. Louis cuddles him and says while laughing, “You are the one who decided that they want to work, love. I tried to get you take a year off with me.” Harry whines a little more but finally gets up and starts packing. “I’m actually pretty excited to start working. It’ll be amazing to get to know the kids and actually teach them properly.”

“You know I’m so proud of you. For getting an education and then finding a job in your field,” Louis says seriously. Harry’s cheeks turn lovely shade of pink. “I know, you keep saying that to everyone who is willing to listen.” Louis walks up to him and kisses Harry’s neck, “I still think you should have stayed home with me so I could devour you all day every day.”

Harry giggles while trying to fight out of Louis’ hold. “You monster!” he screams. Louis holds him tighter and finally picks Harry up completely. “Since you are so determined to start working I have to get my dose of you now,” he says and drops Harry on the bed. They end up almost missing their flight but Harry doesn’t mind. The ache in his bum and beard burn on his thighs are definitely worth it.

When Harry starts working, their new found routine changes again. Harry works every day for a few hours and he’s loving it. During that time Louis becomes absorbed in learning to play guitar well. Until then he has just played around with it but now he wants to learn how to use it while he’s composing. He finds himself a tutor who helps him to achieve his goal. By the end of the year, Louis has written a few new songs while using his guitar and Harry is elbows deep in work.

They have also discovered that they are just as sappy now as they always have been. Harry still sends Louis loving messages during the day and Louis still writes lyrics about him. The difference is that now Louis can play his songs to Harry in the evenings, no more voice messages or late night skype calls. Also, their sex life has taken a turn towards being more adventurous now that they have time to actually explore their kinks. It’s been so good that even their family have noticed a change in them, but every time it comes up, the couple just blushes and giggles to themselves. It’s all very adorably annoying.

On their 7th anniversary Louis takes Harry to Primrose Hill. It has become a sort of tradition for them over the years. Usually, if Louis is home, they have a walk around the park and then they go home so Harry can cook a nice dinner for them. This year Louis had insisted on taking Harry to this nice Italian restaurant first, and then to the park. Honestly, Harry didn’t mind the change but Louis has been acting jumpy and weird all day, and it’s starting to make Harry nervous.

After they have walked in silence for some time Harry has to ask, “Louis what is going on? Is something wrong? Please, talk to me.”

“Nothing’s wrong love. Why would you ask that?”

“You’re acting so weird! I’m getting scared here. This is not how I pictured our romantic anniversary walk to go. You’re not even holding my hand!” Harry huffs out frustrated.

Louis takes Harry’s hand and guides him under the tree where he once kissed Harry senseless while they tried to hide from prying eyes. They had found the tree after they had moved to London, and Harry had decided he loved this park so they came here as often as they could. Harry had announced that this tree was their special place, and every year they came back to lean on it and kiss each other silly. When Louis was on tour and Harry missed him, he often came here and sat under this specific tree to feel like he was closer to Louis.

This time Harry is scared to be under it. All kind of terrible scenarios go through his head while he waits for Louis to say something. Louis looks at him with a warm smile. “Harry, you know you are the love of my life,” he says while taking Harry’s hands in his own. “You have been there for me through the best times of my life, as well as the worse. You were there when X Factor happened. You were there when our first single came out. And you were there when I lost my Mum. When I thought I could never find anything worth being happy about ever again, you got me out that dark hole and made me realise she would have wanted me to be happy and not drown in my grief.” Harry’s eyes well up with tears while he listens Louis talk.

“I’ve been there for you too, I hope. Whilst you were passing your A-levels and going to university. I was so proud of you and you still came to see me whenever you could. You’ve got a job you love now, you’ve found your place, and I’ve enjoyed all those moments with you leading up to this, even the worst ones. They have made us who we are today. I had a talk with my Mum before she passed away, she gave me few life lessons she felt like she still needed to share. One of the things she kept repeating was ‘Never let go of Harry’. She had seen how good we are together, how good you are for me. She saw the love between us and told me it’s the kind of love that only comes around once in a lifetime. She had to look for hers for a long time until she found it with Dan, but we found it at such a young age so we should cherish it.”

Louis gets on one knee and digs a ring from his pocket. It’s a beautiful platinum ring with aquamarine crystals and diamonds. Harry is full on crying at this point and Louis couldn’t love him more. “Harry Edward Styles, would you do me the honour of becoming my husband?”

Harry stares at him for a moment before he drops on his knees and hugs Louis tight. “Yes! A thousand times yes!” Louis lets out a laugh. He knew Harry was going to say yes, but still he wasn’t a hundred percent sure. Louis takes Harry’s left hand and slides the ring on his ring finger. It fits perfectly. “Oh my god, it’s beautiful,” Harry says and kisses Louis hard. “I love you so much, Louis. That was the most perfect proposal ever.” Louis smiles into Harry’s neck, “Glad you liked it. It took me ages to find the ring and come up with how I wanted to ask you.”

“How long have you been planning this?” Harry asks confused. He knows they’ve talked about marriage for quite some time now but he didn’t think Louis would actually propose to him, not yet at least. “Maybe about a year now,” Louis answers and Harry can only look at him with wide eyes.

“A year! Louis! You could have literally proposed to me with a plastic ring in some dirty bathroom and I would have said yes!”

Louis chuckles a little embarrassed, “I know but I needed it to be special because you mean the world to me, and you deserve a beautiful proposal with the perfect ring.”

“I love you so much,” Harry says while kissing Louis. “And I need to get you home right this second. I’m gonna make love to you so hard.” And then Harry is pulling Louis up from the ground and almost starts to run home. Louis holds on to his hand and runs after him, because what else he could do. He would follow Harry no matter where he was going.

When they finally get home and Harry manages to open the door, Louis finds himself being pushed against the wall.

“Why did you think that proposing to me in the middle of the park would be a good idea? In public!” Harry growls against Louis’ neck while sucking his skin into his mouth and biting. Tomorrow everyone will know exactly what Harry has been doing the night before.

Louis lets out a laugh. “You’ve always dreamed of being proposed to there. Every time we walk through that park you say, and I quote ‘Louis, this park is perfect for proposals. Look how pretty it is!’ with a dreamy voice. Don’t tell me you didn’t love it.”

Harry bites a little harder and grinds his now hard length against Louis’ hip. It feels amazing and Louis is well on his way to hard as well.

“You know I loved it. You made my dreams come true. And now it’s my turn, baby. Turn around. I’m going to fuck you here, just like you fantasised.”

How can Harry even remember it, Louis wonders. When they first moved in, Louis casually mentioned that he really wanted to be fucked in their entry way. That way he would have an amazing memory of the place every time he walked in, and would instantly be in a good mood. Harry had just laughed and kissed him. Louis thought that he had taken it as a joke, but now it doesn’t seem like it.

While Louis was lost in memories, Harry has pulled his jeans to his ankles, turned Louis around and dropped on his knees behind Louis.

“God, I love this arse of yours,” he says and next thing Louis knows is Harry’s hands spreading his cheeks apart and squeezing them. Then he dives in without hesitation. Louis lets out a loud moan. It feels amazing to have Harry lick his hole. Every once in a while, he kisses and bites Louis’ cheeks but soon is back licking where Louis wants him the most.

“Baby, can you get the lube from my jacket? There should be a travel packet in my pocket,” Harry says while massaging Louis’ butt. His hands feel amazing. So big and gentle but rough enough.

“Honestly, who carries lube around in their pocket?” Louis asks while looking for the travel pack. He finds it and hands it to Harry.

“I do, ever since you wanted to fuck in that beautiful garden in Venice but we didn’t have lube so we couldn’t,” Harry says while taking the packet. He opens it and spreads some on his fingers.

“Face the wall again, my love. I have some business to do with your arse,” Harry says while turning Louis back around. And then there’s a finger pushing in. Harry keeps kissing his thighs and giving him love bites, then soothing over them with his tongue.

“Harry, I need more,” Louis whimpers while pushing his ass towards Harry, trying to get his mouth back near his entrance. “I want your tongue too, please, please, please,” he’s begging but he really doesn’t care. He needs Harry’s tongue in him sooner rather than later. Harry blows softly into his fluttering hole while he adds more lube on his fingers. “Patience, baby. Patience.”

Then he pushes two fingers in and starts flicking his tongue around them. His fingers stretch Louis open so heavenly and the tongue is doing its magic. Louis feels like he could come like this. He’s harder than he’s been in a while and starts to move his hand towards his cock so he could give it some friction, just a little. But Harry stops what he’s doing and pulls his fingers out.

“I said, patience darling. That means no touching. Only I get to touch,” Harry commands. Louis let’s out a frustrated whimper but obeys. If Harry wants to be in control, Louis will happily let him.

Seeing Louis putting his hands against the wall again, Harry hums happily and goes back to what he was doing. He slowly pushes three fingers in this time and finds Louis’ prostate without even having to look for it. He’s rubbing it while starting to lick again.

“Your mouth is perfect. I’ve never had anything better in my life,” Louis keens. He loves getting rimmed, and Harry is very talented in that field. He feels Harry chuckle against his hole, the puffs of air giving him shivers.

And soon Louis feels like he’s going to come, he can barely hold it. “I’m so close, love. I’ll come if you don’t stop that.” But then Harry turns him around, almost giving Louis whiplash. “Fuck my mouth,” he says while taking Louis in his mouth and pushing fingers back inside Louis.

It’s so overwhelming, feeling Harry’s wet mouth around his cock while his fingers brush his prostate with every push. He carefully starts to fuck into Harry’s mouth.

Harry pulls off and sounds a little annoyed while saying, “Baby, you know I can handle it. You’ve done this thousand times.” Then sucks Louis back into the wet heat. It’s enough for Louis to forget his restrictions and start to fuck Harry’s mouth in earnest. He grabs Harry’s hair and tugs at it, milking moans out of Harry. They feel amazing on his cock. Every time he pulls out of Harry’s mouth, Harry’s fingers push deep inside him. It feels incredible. Suddenly Louis is coming. Harry sucks him harder, getting every last drop of come out of him. Louis feels like he comes for ages and his legs almost give out under him.

Harry pulls his fingers out and rests his forehead against Louis’ hips, trying to calm down. “You are so beautiful, taking me like this,” Louis says while petting Harry’s wild curls. Harry looks up to him, “I’m not done with you yet.” Harry gets up from the ground, chest heaving and Louis sees he’s still hard. His length straining in his tight jeans. “I really want to fuck you.”

Louis whimpers again. Seeing Harry so turned on always affects Louis. No matter how fucked out he feels. His cock gives a pitiful little twitch. Harry does this to him every time. He just cannot say no to this boy. “Yes, please,” comes out of his mouth.

While Louis is enchanted with Harry’s hardness, Harry takes it out and adds lube on it. Then he takes a hold of Louis and pulls him up, hands under his bum. Louis squeals and wraps his legs around Harry’s narrow hips. He feels Harry against his entrance. The head already pushing in a little.

“Can I?” Harry asks and as soon as Louis nods he’s pushing in. It’s almost too much since Louis is still sensitive from coming just minutes ago. “Tell me when I can move,” Harry says when he bottoms out. The stretch feels terrific and Louis’ cock is coming back to life, Harry’s cock pushing dead on to his prostate.

“Please,” Louis whispers. And Harry starts to pound into him hard while holding him tight. Louis cock is trapped between their bellies and it feels so good. Harry is chasing his own release while Louis bounces in his arms.

Louis never thought he would like sex while standing. He always thought he would be afraid of falling, not trusting his partner enough to hold him. But when Harry first talked him into it there has been no going back. Louis loves being in Harry’s arms. Trusting Harry to hold him, to keep him safe even when they’re both seeking pleasure.

“Baby, I’m coming. Fuck you are so tight,” Harry pants in his ear. Louis sneaks his hand on his cock so he can stroke it and come with Harry. Harry’s thrusts become erratic while he pushes even deeper into Louis’ heat. Then it’s game over for him. Louis feels him pulsing inside him and he frantically strokes his own cock until he’s following Harry over the edge. Harry whimpers against his shoulder when he feels Louis squeezing around his softening length.

“You’re amazing. I love you so much, Louis. I can’t believe I get to have you for the rest of my life,” Harry says and kisses Louis with passion. Their tongues venture in each other’s mouth while Harry slips out of Louis and lowers him back on the ground. “I love you too, fiancé,” Louis says and smiles to Harry. Then he looks at them, both half naked and sweaty, Harry’s come dripping out of Louis. “And now we are officially gross. We need a shower, you animal.” Louis takes Harry’s hand and leads them to the bathroom where they can soak in the bath and relax after the mind-blowing sex.

The next day they tell their families. All of them are ecstatic. Harry and Louis promise to throw an engagement party as soon as they have little extra time. At the moment Louis is recording The Rogues’ new album, the hiatus having come to an end now the year is up, and Harry is working full time as one of the teachers had to take a long sick leave. When they tell Harry’s mother about the engagement she’s thrilled for them, but while saying her congratulations she says something that sticks in Louis’ head for a long time, that he just can't shake. She tells them how they’ve overcome the worst fear she had for them, she was sure they would face the dreaded seven-year itch, but it seems they are lucky enough to avoid it. For some reason that bugs Louis. How could they ever get tired of each other? And most importantly why?

After a few weeks, they finally get to throw the official engagement party. It’s just like Louis and Harry have always imagined their party to be, because let’s be honest, they have been planning their wedding for years now. Louis’ team also wants to publish a press release. This is great way to get The Rogues back into people’s mind. Hiatus is over and promo season is starting, there’s no better way to start it than by the fans’ favourite couple getting engaged. Harry and Louis agree to give one interview to BBCR1 and do few pap walks while seeing possible wedding venues. It’s something they are used to by now and know it’s part of Louis’ job.

Before they know it, The Rogues are full on promoting their second single from their upcoming album. The tour is set to start a month after the album comes out in July. Just before Harry starts his new teaching job in September. Turns out the teacher he was covering for had to retire and the school wanted to hire Harry full time to replace them. Of course Harry feels horrible for his old colleague but at the same time he’s very excited to get his own classroom finally, rather than working part time and covering for people.

Summer goes by in a blur. They travel together while Louis promotes the new album with the boys. They have decided that the wedding is happening when the time feels right at some point during next two years. For now though, Louis wants to focus on their tour and new album whilst Harry focuses on his new job. Both of them are happy with the decision and everything feels just like it should be, even if Louis still can't quite forget Anne's words.

\--------------------------------

Their tour starts in the UK. It’s easy and they all get to go home almost every night. Getting to sleep in their own beds with their own partners is important to all the boys. Being away from family is hard, and it feels even harder now for Louis since him and Harry are engaged now. He feels like they have promised to be together forever even if they haven’t actually gotten married yet. Harry feels safe and familiar, and something inside him tells him he shouldn’t be away from Harry right now.

Too soon though, the UK leg is over and The Rogues travel to US to tour across North America. Harry cries at the gate when they are saying their goodbyes. He always cries but this time it feels even harder to let Louis go after being together every day for over a year. It’s surprising how quickly he got used to being with him every day after so many years of long distance.

“You promise to call every day?” Harry asks as he holds Louis tight. “Of course, my love. I couldn’t go a day without hearing your voice. Silly boy,” he whispers in his ear. Harry sighs and kisses him hard. Everything feels so different this time around, he doesn’t know if it’s because of the time they’ve spent together over the hiatus or if it’s because they are engaged now, but Harry can’t shake the feeling it’s not good. Louis has been acting a little weird lately and Harry doesn’t want to let him go until he knows what is going on in Louis’ head, but as they hear the announcement that Louis must board soon, he knows he’s missed his chance and he has to let him go.

“Promise me you’ll call. I love you more than anything,” Harry clings onto Louis. “I promise, love. I need to go now. I love you so much,” Louis answers. They share one more teary kiss and then Louis is following Alberto to board the plane. Harry watches him go but he cannot shake the uneasy feeling he has in his stomach. He wishes he could go with him but he has his job and it’s good to spend some time apart. They have made it through Louis’ tours before, they will get through this one too. They have to.

\-------------------------------

Ever since The Rogues left the UK and arrived for their US leg of the tour Louis has been feeling restless. He doesn’t exactly know what is wrong but something is bothering him. In one sense, he feels like he has everything he has ever wanted. He’s more successful than he ever could have wished for, he’s well rested now after a long break, he’s achieved his goal of learning to play guitar, he’s writing now more than ever, and of course he has Harry. Harry who has agreed to marry him. 

But something doesn’t feel right. Louis doesn’t know if he’s wishing for more, or worried he’s missed something along the way. So many things are happening, changing around him, yet he feels stuck. The further away from Harry he gets, and the longer they’re apart, the more the niggling feeling inside of him creeps in, whispering that maybe it’s Harry. Maybe their relationship isn’t all he thought, because for every time he allows these thoughts to creep in, the gap between them starts to feel wider and wider. They call and facetime, they have skype sex and it’s good, and he knows he loves Harry. He knows he does. Yet it still doesn’t feel right. It feels old, like they have done this a million times before, like it’s all too familiar. Whilst he used to crave that feeling, the warmth and familiarity Harry gave him, for the first time in their relationship it only starts to make him feel uneasy, claustrophobic even. 

Distraction from the ever growing panic bubbling up inside him comes in many forms. He finds himself winding Liam up more than before, leading to almost daily water fights which find their way on stage as well as behind the scenes. He goes out with Zayn more often than before. He figures a beer and the booming bass in a club should be enough to drown out the near constant thoughts in his head. It works, but only for a short while.

In New York, Sam, one of their crew members, brings his cousin Kyle along. Louis ends up hanging out with them that evening, Zayn bailing out of a club night. After a drink, a lot of laughter, and the relief of not thinking about what a mess his relationship could potentially be in for more than five minutes, he finds himself asking if Kyle wants to join them on tour for few weeks. Kyle is ecstatic, of course he wants to join. Louis talks the other boys into letting Kyle tag along. It’s not hard, they’re always happy for new company, touring can be repetitive and exhausting for all of them, not just Louis. Kyle gets a crew pass and signs an NDA. It’s all formal, but in few days he can join them much to Louis’ delight.

Kyle mostly hangs out with Louis, although he quickly makes friends with all of the band. Louis has always loved to entertain though, he craves the approval of those around him through his wit and sense of humour, and Kyle provides him with much approval, laughter and most importantly distraction. He doesn’t think too much about it until one night Kyle tries to kiss him. Louis turns his face away just in time and Kyle’s lips end up on his cheek. “You know I want you, and I know you want me too. I see the way you look at me when you think no one is watching,” Kyle whispers in Louis’ ear. “I just want you to know I’m willing to wait until you are ready. But you can have me whenever you want. Any way you want. You can do whatever you want with me, to me.” Kyle watches him under his lashes, kisses Louis’ cheek again and grabs Louis’ cock over his jeans. Then he’s gone, walking to his room, leaving Louis breathless and confused in front of his door. What the hell just happened?

Louis doesn’t know what to do. He has never shown any interest in Kyle in any other way than as friends. Although now that he thinks about it, he has been seeking Kyle out more often than not. He’s not felt the need to throw a bucket of water over Liam or wedgie him in days, weeks even. He hasn’t been clubbing with Zayn half as much as he was in the weeks before Kyle's arrival, he hasn’t felt the need to, not when he’s had Kyle to laugh with, watch movies with and stay up to all hours with discussing anything and everything. Perhaps he might have a little crush on him. Fuck, he’s screwed.

It’s been three weeks since Louis talked to Harry. First, he missed a few calls, too distracted, then he missed their skype time and now he hasn’t called Harry or answered his calls in three weeks. Louis has been using the time difference as an excuse, but they both know it’s bullshit. No matter how crazy the time difference has been in the past, they have never gone this long without talking to each other. Louis knows Harry knows he’s avoiding him, but Louis is grateful Harry is giving him the space he needs.

Louis is just so confused about everything. Their relationship, engagement, marriage and now Kyle. Now it seems too late to call Harry and just talk. For all the times he was searching for distractions he should have been talking to Harry, but now he absolutely cannot have this conversation over the phone or grainy skype connection. Louis needs to have a clear head about what he wants. And he needs to be in the same space with Harry when he talks to him, needs to see him and touch him to be able to get the words out. Until then, Louis has decided to avoid Harry. He knows he’s being childish, knows it probably isn’t helping anything, but no one is stopping him.

Louis keeps hanging out with Kyle, a lot. Whilst they don’t discuss what happened, it still feels like it’s there, lingering in the air. Kyle seems to be everything Harry isn’t. He’s fast in his movements, spontaneous in a way Harry has never been and he doesn’t have a history with Louis. Louis can be whatever he wants and Kyle isn’t asking why he’s acting weird all of a sudden. Harry knows Louis like the back of his hand, and that is a burden for Louis sometimes. Now it seems to be the thing that is bothering him the most. Harry knows him too well. It’s like they have nothing new to learn about each other.

Liam is worried about Louis, as are Zayn and Luke too, but Liam knows Harry better than the rest of the band. Liam talks to Harry on regular basis, and he knows how long it’s been since they have talked to each other. Liam is also friends with Niall, Harry’s best friend. They talk even more than Liam talks to Harry. It was Liam who told Louis that Harry has been out with Charlie an awful lot lately. Louis is pretty sure Charlie is one of Harry’s teacher buddies but Harry rarely talks about him. Or talked. Three weeks ago. Louis has no idea what is going on in Harry’s mind these days. 

Harry keeps sending him little random texts, little updates, but Louis only answers with emojis. It’s really not a proper conversation, just a façade to fool themselves that they are keeping in touch. It’s not a way spouses should be communicating. Maybe Harry is having second thoughts about the engagement too. Maybe he wishes he could be with Charlie, who is in the same country as he is. Who has a normal job, and who isn’t in the spotlight all the time. Harry had told Louis how much he loved the daily routine they had during hiatus year. Maybe he wishes he had that with someone else, someone who isn’t Louis.

One evening Liam pulls Louis aside when it becomes clear that Kyle was going to Louis’ room to spend the night. “Are you sleeping with him?” Liam asks with a serious look on his face, barely disguising the disapproval in his voice. Louis shakes his head, “We sleep together sometimes, but I haven’t fucked him. He wants to, but I wouldn’t do that to Harry.”

“Do you want to?” Liam continues, “To fuck him, I mean?” Louis looks around, looking for an answer from the walls. “I don’t know. Maybe?” he admits but it comes out more like a question. It’s the first time he’s actually said it aloud. He wants someone else who isn’t Harry. Liam looks at him like he's confessed he murdered someone. Or maybe Liam would rather he said that.

Harry had been Louis’ first in so many things, and he had been Harry’s. The first real boyfriend, the first to take home, the first to bareback, the first to tell him he loved him, the first to propose. Yes, of course Louis feels horrible. Harry has been his world for years, and now suddenly Kyle is there and everything is so confusing and messed up.

After Liam gets over his initial shock, he says to Louis, “You need to be the one to tell Harry. He deserves to know. He needs to be on the same page as you are. Don’t play games with him. He’s done nothing wrong. That boy loves you more than he loves himself. You need to tell him how you feel.”

“How am I supposed to do that? How do you tell your fiancé that you might want to fuck some other guy you met on tour? I don’t want to hurt him. I love him!” Louis shouts.

“If you love him so much then why are you acting like this? And why are you writing songs about your confusing feelings instead of telling him? I heard you singing last night. You could send that song to him. You guys used to do that, didn’t you?”

Louis blushes, he hadn’t realised Liam knew about the little messages. “Yeah,” Louis admits. It’s been weeks since he last sent Harry a snippet of a song. Maybe that could be the way to tell him. “Maybe I’ll send it to him,” Louis agrees.

Liam hugs Louis tight and lets him go back to Kyle who is already waiting for Louis while holding his keycard. He has that sultry look on his face again. Louis isn’t sure how long he can fight what is going on.

When they get into the suite Kyle is all over Louis. Hands wandering on Louis’ body. “I want you so much. I need you inside of me. Could you please, please fuck me already,” Kyle literally begs. He’s been begging for the past week ever since Louis let him into his room one night. Louis still hasn’t kissed him, blown him, given even a hand job. Kyle keeps asking but Louis just can’t, he cannot do that to Harry. He also hasn’t let Kyle do anything to him either.

“We talked about this. I’m not going to fuck you,” Louis answers with a shaky voice. The “not yet” is not said, but feels like it’s lingering, just waiting to be said. It’s getting harder and harder to deny Kyle.

Kyle lets out a frustrated sigh and pushes Louis against the wall. “Then I’m going to blow you,” he says and sinks on his knees.

Louis hesitates. This is the furthest he has ever let Kyle go. His head feels like it’s underwater and he can’t focus. Is he really going to let Kyle blow him? He feels like he can’t think straight, but ultimately this time Louis lets him open his jeans. It doesn’t feel right but Louis doesn’t stop him. Kyle nuzzles his face on Louis’ hip. “I want you to fuck my face,” Kyle says and looks up to Louis. And suddenly Louis sees Harry on his knees in front of him when he was 17 years old. Scared but so eager to blow Louis for the first time. Looking up at Louis like he is the eighth wonder of the world.

“I can’t do this.” Louis says and pushes Kyle away. He zips his jeans back up and goes to the living room, leaving Kyle alone in the entry way. Louis looks at the beautiful view out the window in front of him. He wishes he could have Harry here, to talk about all of this with his best friend, but he can’t do that. Harry is involved in this, how can he talk to Harry about it? How has he let things get this far? Why didn’t he just talk to Harry weeks ago? Fly him out here to discuss it all before it became this? This big mess that he can barely breathe when he thinks about it. But Harry has his job now, his own life in London, he can’t fly to Louis whenever it gets too much for either of them. Louis has to get through this by himself, but he’s not sure how. He's not done well so far.

A few moments later Kyle follows him to the living room. “I’m sorry I pushed you. I just want you so much,” he says with a quiet voice. “It’s okay. But you know I’m engaged. I love Harry,” Louis says, but it sounds strained even to his own ears. Like a mantra he keeps on repeating out of habit.

Kyle laughs a little and mumbles, “Sure you do. That’s why you let me sleep in your bed every night.” Louis doesn’t answer. Instead he takes two bottles of beer from the mini fridge and offers one to Kyle. He takes it and comes to stand next to Louis.

“I just want to make you feel good. That’s all I want from you,” Kyle says then, like it’s that simple. Like it wouldn’t turn Louis’ world upside down. They stand there, neither saying anything more, watching the view, just being close. Eventually Louis takes Kyle’s hand and guides him to the bedroom after they finish their beers. They lay on the bed, both deep in their thoughts.

Later, when Kyle has fallen asleep, Louis gets up and goes to the living room. He needs to tell Harry. He needs Harry to understand him. Louis cannot go on like this anymore. Liam is right, Harry deserves to know.

He opens the recording app on his phone. Then he takes his guitar, the one that Harry bought him. “Hi baby,” Louis starts. He feels nervous and scared, but he knows this is the right thing to do. “I know we haven’t talked in weeks and I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I’ve been avoiding you, if I’m being honest. I’m really confused and I don’t know what to do.” It’s hard to say it all out loud, but he needs to. He needs to be the one to tell Harry.

“I don’t know how to tell you what is going on. But I wrote a song and Liam said I should send that to you. That it would make you understand,” Louis says. “So here we go. Just remember I still love you, baby. Always.”

He plays the first chords. Louis has never been this scared in his life. Not even in his X Factor auditions, but he had Harry by his side then. He could do anything with Harry by his side. Finally, he starts to sing:

_“It's 5 a.m. and I'm on the radio / I'm supposed to call you, but I don't know what to say at all  
And there's this boy, he wants me to take him home / He don't really love me though, I'm just on the radio_

_And I'm not gonna tell you that I'm over it / 'Cause I think about it every night I'm not sober, and_  
_I know I keep these feelings to myself / Like I don't need nobody else  
But you're not the only one on my mind_

_If I'm being honest / If I'm being honest  
You said I should be honest / So I'm being honest_

_It's 6 a.m., I'm so far away from you / I don't wanna let you down, what am I supposed to do?  
It's been three weeks at least, now, since I've been gone / And I don't even like the road, I'm just on the radio_

_I know I keep these feelings to myself / Like I don't need nobody else  
But you're not the only one on my mind”_

Louis ends the recording and sends it to Harry before he can chicken out. It’s out there. Now he can only wait for Harry’s reaction. Louis puts his guitar away but stays in the living room. He cannot bear the thought of Kyle sleeping in his bed. Not when it should be Harry who he sleeps with every night. He lays on the sofa and stares at the ceiling. And then he’s crying, big tears rolling down his cheeks. He misses Harry so much it hurts. He wishes he could have him in his arms now, and all of this would be just a bad dream.

The next morning there are no new messages from Harry but his message shows it’s been read. Harry has heard it but chose not to respond. Louis doesn’t know how to process that. He tries to go on with his life like normal, but it’s hard. Why didn’t Harry answer him? Is this it? Is this how it all ends?

Two days later and still no answer. Harry has even stopped sending him those stupid little updates. Louis doesn’t know how he feels about it. He’s angry and hurt. Does he really mean this little to Harry? He poured his heart out and doesn’t get a call or facetime, nothing. Not even a text.

Luckily, they have some free time before their next concert in Chicago. Louis is on the edge and he takes it out on everyone. Liam has it the worst because he was the one who told Louis to tell Harry about how he’s feeling. Liam looks at him with puppy eyes every time he snaps at him to the point that Louis cannot even look at him anymore. He overheard Liam talking to Zayn. Niall had called him and told him Harry was a mess. It made Louis feel even worse, but also angrier. If Harry is feeling so shit why hasn’t he contacted Louis? He’s obviously spoken to Niall about it, because of course he has. He talks about everything with Niall. But what does that mean for them? That Harry would rather talk with Niall than him. They have always made an effort to reach out before. Even when things got difficult, but not this time. This time Harry has stayed silent, while Louis feels like he ripped his heart out and that’s killing him. it feels like Harry has left him alone in this mess. 

Louis spends a lot of time with Kyle. He knows deep down it’s probably the worst thing to do, but yet he doesn’t stop himself. His head is a mess, panic rises up inside him whenever he looks at his phone, and then his heart feels like it’s breaking over and over again every time he sees there’s still no new message from Harry. Louis and Kyle don’t do a lot more than talk shit whilst playing FiFa and just hang around. Every night that passes though since his failed attempts to reach out to Harry, Louis starts to wonder if tonight is the night he finally gives Kyle what he’s after. He wants revenge on Harry for not caring enough to respond. He feels broken and betrayed, and it’s killing him.

On the third morning after the message and still no word from Harry, Louis thinks that maybe he should just do it. If Harry doesn’t care about him enough to even respond he might as well get this frustration out of his body. If him and Harry are over, then what does it matter anyway?

Later that night, in his hotel room, Louis is listening Kyle talk about something that happened earlier with the crew. He keeps nodding but his mind is distracted. A constant stream of is this it? Is he really going through with it this time? Kyle hasn’t put his shirt back on after he took a shower. Louis is pretty sure he’s just trying to seduce him, it isn’t the first time he has “forgotten” to put clothes on after a shower. Louis still hasn’t even kissed him, it feels like he’s waiting for someone to stop him, but is there anything stopping him anymore? He starts walking towards him, looking down at Kyle’s body as he goes. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to be feeling, but it looks and feels so foreign. Sure, Kyle is lean and tall with a beautiful body like Harry’s, but his muscles look all wrong and he doesn’t have Harry’s tattoos or his love handles that Louis adores. He tries not to think about how wrong this all feels as he walks closer to Kyle and puts his hand on Kyle’s hip. Then suddenly someone is knocking on the door.

“Ignore them. I put the don’t disturb sign on.” Kyle says whilst looking up at Louis, finally realising that tonight his seduction techniques might just be working. Louis nods but the knocking doesn’t stop.

“Can’t you see the sign!” Louis yells. The person starts to pound on the door even harder when they hear Louis’ voice. Louis groans and walks to the door even if Kyle is trying to stop him.

“Can’t you see we want to be in..” he starts while he opens the door but stops. “Harry!”

Harry is there. The love of his life is standing there right in front of him. Louis’ mouth stays open while Harry looks just about to murder someone. His hair is a wild mess and he’s shaking. His eyes are puffy from crying and there are dark circles under them. Louis knows it’s his fault Harry has been crying his eyes out. He walks past Louis into the room, shouldering him while he goes.

And if Louis didn’t feel horrible enough already, he surely does when Harry sees Kyle fresh out of shower in the middle of the room. They weren’t doing anything wrong, yet or at all Louis can’t decide, but he knows how it must look to Harry. He looks at Louis with so much anger in his eyes that Louis gets scared. He has never before been the target of Harry’s fury.

“I think you better get the fuck out of this room and from MY fiancé’s life. Right now!” Harry snarls at Kyle while throwing his shirt at him.

Kyle gathers his belongings at the speed of light and is out in a flash. When the door closes behind him the room is dead silent. Louis doesn’t know what he should do. Harry is here. He’s actually here, like Louis has been wishing. He feels relieved somehow, like maybe the nightmare he’s been living in for the past few weeks is finally ending. Yet he has no idea what to say to the boy in front of him, who is radiating so much anger Louis can almost feel it.

He goes to open his mouth, to say something, anything, but then tears fill Harry’s eyes and he collapses on the floor. It’s so painful to watch. It’s like the anger was the only thing keeping him up and he finally gives in like a marionette whose strings have been cut. He cries so hard Louis starts to get worried he won’t be able to breathe soon.

Louis finally gets his legs to obey him and runs to Harry. “Harry, baby. Where’s your inhaler? You need to calm down. Harry, love” Louis begs while he’s going through Harry’s bag. He finds the inhaler just when Harry starts gasping for air. Louis helps him to take his medication and holds him tight while the air starts to flow into Harry’s lungs again.

Harry leans on Louis and asks with a silent voice “Do you love him?”

It’s the first thing Harry has said to him in over three weeks. God, three weeks is that all it took for them to become such a mess? Harry sounds so broken, like Louis has taken away his will to live.

“No, I don’t love him. I think I lust for him. But I don’t love him,” Louis admits. “I haven’t even kissed him.”

Harry clutches onto him harder and there’s a new wave of tears soaking Louis’ shirt. Louis doesn’t mind, he just wants to take the pain away and it’s killing him to know that he caused this. He, and his stupid crush on someone who he just met.

Finally, the tears come to an end and Harry starts to calm down. “You must be tired, love. Let’s go to bed and get some rest,” Louis says while helping Harry up from the floor where they have been this whole time.

He lets Harry wash his face and offers him some water to drink. They go to bed together, Harry snuggling close to Louis like he’s afraid Louis might disappear during the night. Louis holds him tight and it’s the first night in the US that he finally sleeps peacefully without waking up once.

 

Louis wakes up with his nose pressing into Harry’s neck, Harry’s back against his chest. He inhales deeply. How much he has missed the smell of Harry and home. Harry whimpers and grinds his ass back against Louis. Then Louis realises what actually woke him up. His cock is hard and it has slipped between Harry’s cheeks. They always sleep naked and more often than not they end up having morning sex. Everyone knows it, especially after Louis wrote The Rogues’ last hit song, No control.

“Baby, are you awake?” Louis asks. Harry just grinds back harder and makes some kind of sound that could be classified as an agreement. It’s all Louis needs as confirmation. He puts his hand on Harry’s length and starts stroking. Harry is just as hard as Louis is, just as turned on. Louis twists his wrist just like Harry likes it and gets rewarded with a loud moan.

It’s all so simple and familiar. But at the same time, it gets Louis so turned on, just like it always has. He starts to stroke Harry’s length faster and soon Harry is coming all over his hand. While Harry is coming down from his high Louis chases his own release grinding against Harry. He feels so good under Louis’ hands. He grabs Harry’s left hand and feels the cold metal there on his ring finger. That’s all he needs and he’s following Harry coming hard on his lower back.

“I love you so much baby. And I’ve missed you,” Louis whispers in Harry’s ear and kisses his neck.

Suddenly Harry tenses and gets up. He glares at Louis. “Sure didn’t look like that last night when you were ready to fuck that trash,” he spits out.

It’s all coming back. Kyle half naked after his shower, Harry pounding on the door and then throwing Kyle out. Harry’s breakdown. Fuck, how could he forget that so fast. He was just so happy to have Harry with him after long weeks on tour.

“I need to take a shower. Don’t come with me.” And Harry is off to the bathroom. Louis hears the shower being turned on. How did he mess up things so badly?

Louis calls Liam. “Harry is here,” he says as soon as Liam picks up.

“He’s here? I thought he had work?” Liam is just as confused as Louis is.

“I thought so too but I guess he took some time off. He came just when Kyle was dressing after he took a shower but Kyle was half naked when Harry barged in. It must have looked awful to him,” Louis says in a rush, not sure he can say he wasn’t certain if things were going further or not. He’s still not sure he would have ever been able to. “What am I going to do? I can’t lose him. I love him so much! And I have to get Kyle to leave the tour. I don’t want to see him anymore.”

“Fuck, Louis! What the hell?” Liam yells but continues, “You need to talk to him. Really talk. About how you feel and how things turned out how they did. And tell him that you weren’t fucking with Kyle. It was only in your head. And just hope he can find a way to forgive you. You really messed up Louis. You better be ready to beg harder than you ever have before in your life!”

“I know!” Louis says frustrated. He knows he needs to talk. And Liam is right. He needs to be honest. He just wishes Harry will still love him after everything. Louis hears the shower being turned off. “I need to get going. Harry is coming back from the shower. Talk to you later.”

“Try to make it work with him. You guys belong together. And I’ll see what I can do about Kyle, don’t worry. Good luck with Harry!” Liam answers and they hang up.

Harry walks out of the bathroom and looks at Louis. “Do I need to get myself tested?” he asks. Louis was not expecting that. “Of course not! I didn’t touch him. No kissing, no hand jobs or blow jobs either, nothing” he says. As much as it hurts he understands, Harry doesn’t trust him anymore, and if he was in Harry’s shoes, he wouldn’t trust himself either.

Harry nods but stays quiet. Louis can see he’s wondering if he can trust that he’s telling the truth about this. Louis can only hope he knows he wouldn’t put Harry at that kind of risk.

“The shower is free. I can order breakfast while you’re in there and then we’ll talk. Actually talk,” Harry says pointedly and Louis can only nod in agreement. He gets up and goes to take a shower.

When he gets back to the bedroom he hears Harry talking on the phone. “I’m gonna be here for a couple of days, Ni. I called the school and took extra days off. I said it was a family emergency. Luckily they didn’t ask any more questions.” Harry goes silent listening to what Niall is saying. “Yes, I still love him but he was about to fuck someone else! I don’t know if I can forgive him for that,” Harry says with a tremble in his voice. And Louis couldn’t feel any more like the scum of the earth. He has decided to do anything it takes to win Harry back. He needs him back.

Louis starts to dress when Harry seems to be ending the call. “The breakfast is here,” Harry says while looking at Louis. He goes back to the living room and leaves Louis to dress in peace. It feels like a slap in the face. Harry never misses an opportunity to grab Louis’ ass while he’s dressing. Harry had said it always looked so delicious when Louis was bending down to put on his socks. Now he just left. But Louis deserves this, he thinks, every cold look, every missed touch, he has earned it himself.

They eat in silence. Harry has ordered coco pops for Louis, oat meal for himself and fruits for them to share. Always taking care of Louis, even when he’s pissed off. Harry even made Louis’ tea just like he likes it. Something Kyle never bothered to learn.

When they are done and dishes are out of the way Harry sits on the sofa and gestures Louis to sit too. “Talk,” Harry says with expectant eyes as Louis settles on the other end of the sofa. Louis wants to be close to Harry but he doesn’t feel like he has earned the privilege to actually touch him. “Tell me what did I do for you to run into another man’s arms? Am I not enough for you anymore?” The last question is asked in a quiet voice while Harry looks down at his hands, nervously playing with his ring.

Louis decides he needs to be honest. Harry made the effort to see him, he needs to tell him what is going on. He owes him that much. So he starts from the beginning. The nervous feeling he had when the tour started, the worry that everything was changing but also things were standing still, him having doubts they would be too different to last, in two different places in their lives. He makes sure he doesn’t blame Harry for wanting to have a career of his own. That is something Louis has always admired in Harry, not wanting to be dependent on Louis’ money. He also tells him about Kyle, how he came into the picture and why Louis hasn’t told Harry earlier. Harry asks a few questions here and there but mostly he lets Louis talk.

When Louis feels like he has gotten everything out, Harry asks the question Louis has been dreading whole time. “When did you decide to fuck Kyle?” He asks this so quiet that Louis barely hears it. And it hurts. Louis knows how it looked to Harry when he walked in the room. And he’s kinda right. Louis had been thinking about it.

“I hadn’t actually decided. But that morning I was thinking about it, to get it over with, end all the confusion in my head” Louis answers with shame in his voice. Harry looks up to him, “Why?”

“Cause I thought you didn’t care!” Louis shouts. “I left you a message pouring my heart out and you didn’t acknowledge it in any way. I thought you just didn’t care,” he says with a quieter voice.

“Louis, what the fuck!” It’s Harry’s turn to yell. “I broke down when I heard you sing that song to me. My feet literally gave up on me. I couldn’t stop crying for the first 24 hours. Finally Niall came looking for me and we talked about my options. When he went to work I called in sick and decided to come here. You know it’s not easy to get away so fast, not all of us are pop stars with private planes waiting to fly them wherever they want.”

Louis feels terrible. While he was angry at Harry for not sending him a message, Harry was doing everything he could to get to Louis as soon as possible. How did he misinterpret the situation so badly?

“And when I finally got here, you were there with some guy, ready to fuck him,” Harry continues with hurt in his voice.

Louis doesn’t know what to say. He knows he did wrong and would do anything to take it back, but he can’t. The only thing he can do is say he’s sorry and show him he still loves him. The rest is up to Harry. “I’m so sorry baby. I know it was a mistake. I don’t know if I would have gone through with it in the end. But that’s not the point. I did wrong and I’m sorry.”

Harry gives him a look Louis cannot read. It’s sadness and tiredness and something he cannot figure out. “I think we both might need some time,” he then says and starts to get up. And no, Louis cannot let him walk out. Not like this. Not before he knows where they both stand.

Louis grabs Harry’s hand. “Don’t go!” he says with desperate voice. “We need to talk more. I can’t let you leave like this.”

Harry holds on to Louis hand. “I’m not leaving. I’m going to take a walk to clear my head. To try to digest everything you just told me. And when I come back we need to figure out how we go on from here.”

Louis lets him go and watches Harry leave the room. He needs to talk to someone who hasn’t formed an opinion of all of this already. The only person he can talk to and trust now is Lottie, so he dials her number. She answers almost straight away, “Louis, what’s wrong?” Of course she knows something is wrong, he never calls her outside their scheduled skype times.

“I fucked up, I fucked up really badly,” Louis answers, and then it’s all coming out. All his doubts, all his insecurities about Harry, and finally Kyle. When Louis is done the line is dead silent.

“Oh, big brother. You really messed this one up,” Lottie then sighs. “Do you still want to try with Harry?” Lottie asks.

“Yes, it’s all I want. It’s become even clearer now that I have him here.”

They talk for a long time about what Louis should do. In the end Louis feels better. His head is clearer now and he’s ready to talk to Harry.

“Thank you, love. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Probably screw up your life even worse,” Lottie says while laughing. “Go win your boy back. Love you!”

“Love you too. Talk to you soon.”

Now Louis can only wait. He notices how hungry he is, it’s already afternoon. Harry has been gone for a few hours. Louis decides to order food from room service. He doesn’t know if Harry has eaten anything on his walk and decides to order something for him too. While waiting for the food to arrive, he calls Liam and explains what is going on. Liam promises to keep everyone out of Louis’ room until the day after tomorrow when they have their next show.

It’s nearly 10 pm when Harry finally comes back. He looks exhausted but somehow not so torn apart. “I ordered you dinner but it’s probably cold by now,” Louis says.

“Thanks, I had some when I was out but I could eat.” Louis watches Harry take a bite out of his burger.

“I don’t want to lose you. I’m ready to fight for you, for us,” Louis blurts out before he can stop himself.

Harry looks up to him. He gives Louis a tired small smile. “I figured since you said to Liam you wanted some time alone with me, and didn’t have my bags by the door when I came back.” Of course Harry had talked to Liam, Louis should have known.

“I would never ever do that to you. You deserve everything.” Louis almost shouts, horrified that Harry’s even thinking that he would throw him out on the streets just like that.

“I know, Louis.” Harry sighs. “But it’s been a long couple of days. Could we maybe sleep now and talk more tomorrow? You have a day off, don’t you?”

“Sure, whatever you want baby. Do you want to sleep with me or should I call the reception and get you your own room?”

“As much as I hate it, I sleep better when you are next to me,” Harry admits.

Louis smiles relieved, he was afraid he would have to sleep alone again. That would have been a lost cause. “Me too. Just come to bed when you’re ready.” Harry nods and Louis goes to brush his teeth.

When he’s done he walks to the bedroom and starts to take his clothes off. For a moment, he wonders if he should leave boxers on but decides against it. He never likes to sleep with them on, especially when Harry is around. Soon Harry comes to join him. He undresses too and slips under covers. Louis pulls him near and spoons him. “Is this okay?” he has to ask.

“Did you sleep naked with that guy too?” Harry asks in a lieu of answer.

“No, I only sleep naked with you. No one else.” Louis says and it’s the truth, he had never been able to cross that boundary. He pulls Harry even closer, luckily Harry relaxes in his arms and soon they both fall asleep.

Harry wakes up first. He feels warm and content, he’s just where he should be. Until he remembers why he is in Louis’ arms when he should be waking up in his own bed and leaving for work soon. That won’t be happening today. Today they will decide whether their relationship is worth saving. Harry is terrified.

Slowly he gets up to go for a run. He needs to clear his head at least a little. He knows he loves Louis but he doesn’t know how to forgive him, or get over what’s happened the last few weeks.

When Harry comes back Louis is awake, the breakfast has been ordered but Louis is pacing around the room, food untouched. When he sees Harry he almost breaks down to tears, “I thought you had left.” Harry can only laugh a little. The situation is so abnormal for them. “All my stuff is here. I just went for a run.”

Louis looks around and it’s like he’s seeing everything for the first time, Harry’s clothes folded neatly on the chair, his bag on the floor, his shoes near the door. “Oh,” comes out of his mouth. “I ordered breakfast,” he continues, like he wasn’t on the edge of having a breakdown just seconds ago.

“I’ll take a quick shower, but I’ll join you soon,” Harry says and goes to the bathroom. Today is the first day they haven’t kissed even if both have been up for quite some time. Harry feels hollow somehow, like something is missing. Even if it is just a good morning kiss, it has been their ritual ever since they started dating.

Louis has prepared coffee and a fruit bowl for Harry when he returns. “Thank you,” he says and they eat in silence again, both nervous of what’s to come.

After breakfast they sit on the sofa again. It feels familiar and safe. They are here and they are willing to talk, both of them, and today it’s Harry’s turn to start.

“I knew something was wrong when you stopped answering my messages and missed our skype time. But I still didn’t do anything about it,” Harry starts. “I thought maybe you were deep in writing new songs and didn’t want to bother you. I feel like a fool now. I should have known something was wrong.”

Louis shakes his head. “I wouldn’t have told you even if you had asked. I was so lost. It was something I had to go through myself. To know where I stand, how I feel about everything. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

“I still feel I failed you as your spouse. I feel like I could have done something. Called more. Come here sooner. Something,” Harry huffs frustrated.

“No, Harry! No. You have your job. You have your life in London. You shouldn’t have to drop everything for me,” Louis says with a desperate voice.

“And look where it got us!” Harry shouts. “You almost fucked another man, Louis. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that. If I can ever get over that.”

Tears start to roll from Louis eyes, “Please, baby, I’ll do anything. I’ll quit the band. I’ll stop touring. I’ll do anything you want. Just please don’t leave me.”

Harry lets out a sad sigh and shakes his head, “No, Louis. That’s not what I want.” It’s going to be a long day.

After hours of talking, both of their voices have gone hoarse. There’s pizza boxes around them with napkins thrown around. They have finally come to an agreement. They will take a break until the US leg of the tour is over. They both need time to decide if they really want to be together. Louis needs to be sure he wants to be with Harry, if he’s ready to share his life with only one person, even when things get hard. And Harry needs to decide if he can forgive Louis and forget, because if this incident will hang over their heads for the rest of their lives, what’s the point in staying together.

They agreed that when Louis’ next break starts in six weeks he will come home to Harry if he wants to still be with him. On that day Harry will wear his ring again if he’s ready to give Louis a second chance. Until then the ring will stay in a box in Harry’s closet.

It hurts, deciding to take a break but they are convinced it will be a good thing for them both in the end. Maybe the saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ is true, even if it hasn’t worked out so well so far.

Slowly they get up from the floor where they ended up sitting at some point during the evening. Harry stretches and his shirt rides up showing the tattoos on his hips.

Louis reaches out automatically but stops then. “Can I touch?” he asks. Harry looks at him and nods. Louis caresses the laurel leaves with soft hands. His hands travel down a little until he’s pulling Harry towards him from the waistband of his jeans.

“Can I kiss you?”

Harry nods again and they crash into each other. The kiss is frantic. It feels like they are running out of time. And somehow they are. Harry needs to leave at 7 in the morning to catch his flight, and after that they will not see each other until they make the decision. It feels like they need to make the most out of the time they have left.

Hands wandering on each other’s bodies, Louis guides them towards the bed until his knees hit the edge. “Can I make love to you?”

“Yes. Please,” Harry whimpers. He needs to feel Louis. All of Louis. This might be their last time together. Harry wants to remember. He needs to remember every little detail.

They undress each other slowly while kissing, trying to remember every detail of each other’s bodies. Louis wants this too. Wants to make this special so they will remember this forever.

When they are naked Louis takes a step back and admires Harry’s body. “God, you are beautiful. My beautiful boy.” Then he pushes Harry on to the bed. “I’ll be right back,” he says. While Harry moves up on the bed Louis gets the lube from bathroom and climbs next to Harry.

Louis puts a pillow under Harry’s hips and opens his legs, Harry holds on to his knees. Wide open for Louis just waiting to be taken. He looks absolutely beautiful. “Can we be like this? I want to see your face,” Louis asks and Harry nods again. He has lost his voice the minute Louis kissed him. He just watches Louis worshipping his body.

Louis kisses and bites his way down Harry’s body until he’s facing his hard length. He doesn’t stop there. He licks Harry’s cock few times and sucks the head a little, teasing, but continues his trip downwards. Suddenly Harry feels a tentative lick on his hole. Nothing but a whimper comes out of him.

Louis buries his face between Harry’s cheeks and starts to lick and probe his hole. Harry almost loses his mind, it feels so good. Then there’s a finger next to the tongue. Louis pushes in and starts to look for Harry’s prostate. It doesn’t take him long to find it and Harry lets out a loud moan. “Fuck Louis, that feels so good. Don’t stop!”

Louis takes his sweet time getting Harry ready for him. Every time Harry is near coming, Louis pulls his fingers out and kisses and bites Harry’s thighs, leaving marks that will be there for days after Harry has gotten home. “I love you,” Louis keeps repeating between kisses.

“I’m ready, please fuck me.” Harry finally whimpers. He’s a mess after Louis’ thorough prep and he needs to feel Louis in him now. Louis moves to face him. “You look so beautiful. You don’t even know. Taking me so well,” he says while he adds lube on himself and pushes in slowly.

Both of them get lost in the sensation. Louis feels so good in Harry when he finally bottoms out. He fills Harry perfectly, just on the right side of too much. It takes a while for Harry to adjust, but he soon gives Louis a permission to move.

Louis fucks into him slowly, he wants to make this last as long as he can. He’s so tender with Harry. Keeps kissing him with so much love that at some point tears start to stream down Harry’s cheeks.

“What’s wrong, love?” Louis asks worried and stops his movements. “Do I need to stop? Am I hurting you?”

“Please don’t stop!” Harry whimpers. “You feel so good. I just feel so loved in your arms,” he continues while trying to get his breathing under control.

“Oh, baby. I love you, more than anything.” Louis whispers and continues his movements, hitting Harry’s prostate with every thrust.

Harry whimpers again and hugs Louis closer with his thighs. He never wants to let go. Louis fucks into Harry slowly, taking his time while caressing his face and kissing him. Both of them need to make this last. To make the most of this.

At some point Louis’ thrusts become erratic and he starts to move faster. “Are you close, baby?” he asks.

“Yes, please make me come. I want to come on your cock,” Harry answers.

Louis starts to fuck Harry in his earnest, making sure he hits Harry’s prostate dead on. Harry’s cock is trapped between their bodies giving him the last bit of friction he needs. And suddenly Harry is coming untouched, clenching his hole and that’s it for Louis. He follows Harry after only handful of thrusts. He pushes himself deep in Harry’s warmth while pulsing inside him.

Harry holds him tight, legs wrapped around his waist. Finally he needs to let go when it starts to become uncomfortable for both of them. Louis slowly pulls out while Harry whimpers, feeling too empty.

“Come take a shower with me,” Louis asks and takes Harry’s hand. They shower in silence, while washing one another. They keep losing themselves in each other and they spend a long time showering, but neither of them care, the only thing that matters is being close.

When they get out of the bathroom and are ready to sleep Louis notices it’s already 5 am. Harry needs to leave in two hours. There’s no point going to sleep anymore, so instead they cuddle on the bed, just enjoying the closeness, whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears. Too soon Harry’s alarm goes off, telling him he needs to start gathering his belongings.

It doesn’t take too long. He came here in such a hurry he didn’t have time to pack much. At 7 am the reception calls and says his car is waiting.

They kiss by the door and Louis doesn’t want to let go. “Please, don’t go. I love you. I don’t want to lose you,” he begs.

“Baby, I need to go. We agreed it’s for the best.” Harry says while it’s breaking his heart. “I have one more request though.”

“Anything,” Louis answers.

“I don’t want Kyle anywhere near you again. Can you make him go away? Please?” Harry asks. He’s never been a jealous person, he can’t be with Louis’ profession, but Kyle makes his blood boil. Whilst he feels silly begging Louis like this, he thinks it’s a reasonable request.

“It’s already happening, love. I asked Liam to get rid of him the morning after you got here.”

“Thank you.” Harry says and kisses Louis once more. “I love you more than anything.”

“Love you too, baby.” Louis whispers and then Harry is gone.

Louis watches him disappear to the lift then he allows himself to collapse on the floor and starts crying. He cannot lose Harry. Not now, not ever.

Harry cries his whole flight back home. Niall is waiting for him in the airport. “Haz, love. It’s gonna be okay,” he says while hugging Harry tightly. Harry breathes in Niall’s scent. So familiar but it’s not Louis. “I love him so much Ni. I don’t want to live without him,” Harry cries. “I know, Haz, I know,” Niall says in a comforting voice. “Everything will turn out ok, I’m sure.”

Niall takes Harry back to his apartment. There’s no way Harry could stay in his and Louis’ house now. He needs to figure out what he wants first and maybe then he can go back there. He needs to be sure he can forgive Louis.

\--------------------------------

After Harry has left, Louis goes back to bed. He lays there hugging Harry’s pillow and wondering if he had said everything he wanted to Harry. What if Harry hadn’t understood how much he loves him? How much he regrets everything that happened with Kyle? Louis starts crying again, he misses Harry already. He remembers his promise to see Liam after Harry has left but there is no way he can face anyone right now. Everything just feels too heavy.

At some point he wakes up, he must have dozed off when the crying had finally stopped. He hears the knocking that must have woken him up, someone’s at the door.

“Louis, let me in!” It’s Liam, Louis forgot to text him. Then he remembers they have a show tonight. He has to go on stage and look happy. How on earth is he going to pull that off while feeling like his world has come crumbling down?

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Louis mumbles while getting up and walking to the door. Liam barges in as soon as Louis cracks the door open. “Where’s Harry?” Liam asks.

“He left.” And fuck, here come the tears again. You would think he had cried enough during last few days, but apparently not. Liam gives him a sad look and hugs him tight. “Oh, Louis. So it’s officially over?” Liam’s never been great with words, always a tad too blunt, and lacking a bit of tact.

“No. We are on a break,” Louis mutters against Liam’s shoulder. “We agreed that when the US leg is over I go home to him if I still want to be with him, and he will be there wearing the ring if he wants me back. Until then we agreed to no contact.”

Liam looks at him confused. “But you two have always been that cheesy couple who cannot stay separated for two days without calling each other constantly. How will you survive without hearing his voice?”

Louis starts to cry even harder. “Thanks Liam for reminding me,” he sobs. Louis has never been a crier, that had always been Harry, but now it seems he cannot stop. Liam holds him until the sobbing stops and he can breathe again.

“We have a concert tonight,” Liam says carefully. “Are you feeling up to it?”

“I think I’ll manage. Might not be up for a water fight and flirting with the audience but I will do my part.”

“There’s a good lad,” Liam answers. “You wanna order in and hang out here until it’s time to go. I don’t think you should be alone now.”

“Sure, sounds good. I haven’t eaten anything today. Might be good to get my energy up.”

They order burgers from the room service and watch the Dark Knight trilogy. It takes Louis’ mind off of Harry a bit until he gets a message from Niall. Harry is at his place for now. He got home safe but he is totally shattered, it’s a good thing it’s Friday, and hopefully he can go back to work on Monday. Louis thanks Niall for taking care of Harry. It’s important he has someone to lean on, even if he’s jealous it can’t be him there comforting Harry.

The concert that evening goes… well it goes. Louis sings his parts but that’s about it. He knows he needs to be better for the fans that have paid a lot to see them live. He owes them his whole career. But he also needs to think about himself. He needs to be feeling well to be able to perform well. The meet & greet before the show was also a little bit of a disaster on Louis’ part. The fans definitely noticed his puffy eyes, even if their make-up artist tried her best to hide them, Louis barely managed to convince the fans that everything was good. He dreads to think what is being written on twitter right now.

Louis decides to go talk to the boys about the upcoming shows, and see what they can do so that he can be more in the background, at least until he feels a bit better. And then he sees him. Kyle. No way, it cannot be Kyle. Liam promised to get rid of him, but there he is, casually sitting back stage, laughing with the crew without a care in the world.

Somewhere deep down Louis knows that his problems with Harry are not Kyle’s fault, but maybe if Kyle hadn’t have come onto him so strongly, and just been the friend Louis needed then things wouldn’t have gotten to this point. Louis makes a hasty decision and walks up to him, the room goes deathly silent, and slowly people start to leave to give them privacy. Louis is pretty sure everyone thinks he cheated on Harry with Kyle, and really he can’t blame them, can he? They did look like they were having affair he thinks back regretfully.

Kyle looks up to Louis from where he’s sitting. “What brings you here? Want me to come back to your room so I can keep your bed warm while your boyfriend is back on the other side of the world?” Kyle asks with a sarcastic tone.

“Don’t you dare talk about my fiancé ever again. And what the hell are you still doing here?” Louis snarls at him. “I thought Liam threw you out.”

“Turns out the contract you arranged with your team allows me to stay here as long as I want.” Kyle says with a smugly face and Louis wants to punch him.

“I want you gone. I never want to see you again!”

“You really should have thought about that before your dick started to make decisions for you,” Kyle smirks.

That fucking asshole. How did Louis ever see anything good in him? He can’t believe he was almost willing to risk his whole relationship with Harry to be with that douche bag. Louis shakes his head.

“You’ll be gone soon. Enjoy your time while it lasts.” And then he walks away. He needs to get as far from Kyle as possible or he will do something he might regret. At one point he really thought Kyle was his friend, someone good in his life while he was struggling to deal with all his emotions. Now it feels like Kyle was just using him all along. He saw Louis’ vulnerability and used it to worm his way in, for what gain Louis isn’t sure, maybe just to say he was with someone famous. It makes Louis feel even sicker than he did before.

When Louis finally finds the other boys to talk, they agree that Louis should step back a bit. There is already a hashtag on twitter trending about Louis’ odd behaviour. The less the fans know the better. Louis has always been very open about his life with their fans but this is something he wants to keep as private as he can.

The next few shows and meet & greets Louis stays back. He shows up for photos, and does his job on stage as best he can, but all he can think about is Harry. Slowly it becomes very clear to him that Harry is what he wants, has always wanted. Harry is the one he sees himself growing old with. Harry is the one he thinks of in his daydreams about having family, in a beautiful home, with two dogs and three cats because they can’t decide between the two. Without Harry there is only professional accomplishments to achieve. All other goals in his life involve that one curly haired boy that stared at him when he walked into the library when he was 19.

After Louis has realised what he wants from their relationship, and where he went wrong, he starts to write. He writes down all his thoughts, hopes and dreams. Usually he writes with Liam but even Liam has a limit on the sappy stuff Louis comes up with these days. So Louis sticks to his app on his phone. Sadly he cannot send the songs to Harry, he promised to give Harry space and he wants to respect that promise just like Harry has respected his.

Kyle is still a problem. Liam and Louis talked to their manager about his contract and it seems to be airtight, unfortunately. The only way to get him to leave is if he breaks his NDA, or he gets bored and decides to leave himself. Luckily Kyle is not employed so at least The Rogues are not paying for him to be there.

One night when Louis is out with the crew, having few beers in some local bar, Kyle comes to him. “Could we talk? I feel horrible about how things ended and I want to apologise,” Kyle asks, and Louis is just on the right side of being drunk that he agrees. Liam gives him a warning look when he sees that Louis is about to go with Kyle, but he ignores him and continues outside.

When they get outside, both of them light a cigarette. “I really should quit, Harry hates these,” Louis mumbles. Kyle lets out a laugh. “So you are still with him?”

Louis looks at him, “Yeah, we are still together.” Kyle shakes his head. “Honestly, you could have anyone in the world. Get laid every night with a different guy, or guys if you prefer that. But you still choose that uptight teacher who is never there when you need him. What does he have on you? Can’t you see he’s only with you for the money and fame.”

Looks like Kyle hasn’t changed his mind at all. The only thing stopping him from punching Kyle is Liam’s voice in his head warning him about bad publicity, and honestly Louis doesn’t want Harry to read about this in the papers. “First of all, never talk about my fiancé like that again. Ever. And second, I thought you wanted to apologise but that doesn’t seem to be the case. You’re an asshole, always have been and I don’t know what I ever saw in you, why I ever wanted to be around you. You know no one wants you here, yet here you are, -hanging around, staying well past your welcome. Why can’t you just leave?” Louis is so frustrated that he could tear his hair out. Instead he stumps his cigarette and starts to leave.

Kyle grabs his hand and suddenly he’s up in Louis’ space, hugging him, kissing his neck. “I want you Louis. Please. I want to be with you. Want you on top of me, in me,” Kyle whispers in his ear. Louis thinks he sees something flash in the distance but quickly forgets about it, focusing only on pushing Kyle away. “Get your hands the fuck away from me!” he shouts and pushes Kyle against the wall. “Never touch me again. I don’t want you, never have. You will never be what Harry is to me. He wants me. Me! Not my money, not my fame. Me! Unlike you who is only after a fuck.” Louis storms back inside and sees Liam there waiting for him.

“What happened?” he asks concerned. “I’m such an idiot, Kyle tricked me. He told me he wanted to apologise but instead he just insulted Harry and tried to get me to have sex with him. I yelled at him and told him I never want to see his ugly face again,” Louis answers, feeling annoyed. “I want to go back to the hotel.”

Liam looks at him with big eyes. “Fucking finally you found your balls and stopped sulking. Let’s call Alberto so he can come pick us up.” Louis smiles at him. Maybe Liam isn't always so great with words, but he is always there for him, no hesitation.

When they get to the hotel Louis heads straight to his room and to his bed. That night he dreams of Harry and their future, with six kids and a huge house.

Louis wakes up to his phone ringing on the bedside table. He fumbles a little with it but finally answers before even checking who is it. “This better be good, you woke me up,” he says with a raspy voice.

“Umm.. Louis?” Lisa asks. Fuck, it’s their PR woman. She only calls them when there is a problem. Suddenly Louis is wide awake, “Yeah, I’m here.”

“There are pics of you and Kyle looking awfully cosy all over the press this morning. Care to tell me about why I get to know about these only now? Are you having an affair with him?” Lisa asks with angry tone.

That was the flash last night. Someone got their picture and sold it to the press. Louis groans, “No, I’m not cheating Harry. And last night was me trying to get rid of Kyle.” Louis explains the situation to Lisa, or at least as much as he wants her to know. He even includes the part that Harry is not wearing his ring at the moment.

Lisa is quiet for a while, Louis can practically hear her thinking. “You know you should tell me these things, right?” Louis nods even if Lisa cannot see him, “I know. I’ve been so distracted for the past few weeks that it honestly slipped my mind. I just seem to keep messing things up.”

“Well, good that you told me now. I need to come up with something with my team to make this alright. And Louis, you should probably call Harry. He needs to know about this. He will be bombarded for the next few days. You two are the happy couple of the century. Press is having a field day over this,” Lisa warns Louis. “You’re right. I’ll call him,” Louis gives in.

When they hang up, Louis decides to see if the pictures are as bad as Lisa said they are. And yes, there is he hugging Kyle, looking very intimate even if he knows what was actually going on. Louis knows he needs to take Lisa’s advice and call Harry.

It’s ringing for a long time before Harry answers, “This better be good since you’re calling me in the middle of the night, Louis.” It’s the first time Louis has heard Harry’s voice in a while and he wishes this would be happier occasion, but no. They agreed that if it was emergency they should contact each other, and this is an emergency.

“There are pics of me and Kyle hugging and the press is writing articles about us breaking up,” Louis blurts out. The line has gone silent. Did Harry hang up on him? “Love, are you still there?” Louis asks.

“You woke me up to tell me you are leaving me and Kyle is your new boyfriend?” Harry asks angrily.

“No!” Louis shouts desperately. “Of course not!”

“Well, how else should I interpret this?” Harry asks confused. Louis huffs a little but starts to explain, “I was out with the crew last night and Kyle came up to me. He wanted to say he’s sorry in private so like an idiot I believed him and we went outside. Turned out he only wanted to try to get in my pants again. I yelled at him, and said I never want to see him again, but then he hugged me. I pushed him away, I promise I did, but someone managed to get a picture of that, and they sold it to the press. Now Lisa is working on damage control but I wanted to warn you so you know what is going on.”

“Oh,” Harry says and is quiet for a moment. “So you are not breaking up with me?” he then asks. “Of course not! I love you Harry. I want to be with you for the rest of my life,” Louis answers. They really need to work on their communication. Harry seems to not trust him at all.

“Good. Okay then. Thank you for telling me. I guess I should wear the ring again in public. Just so the press doesn’t get the wrong idea.” Harry says with thoughtful voice.

“I mean, you don’t have to, but it would stop some questions. And it would give us time to make up our own minds. If you don’t mind wearing it,” Louis says carefully.

“Of course I don’t mind. I love the ring, I will wear it in public, it’s fine, but our agreement still stands, Louis. This doesn’t mean I have made up my mind.”

Louis lets out a relieved breath he had been holding. “Good! And yes, the agreement still stands. I’m sorry I’m forcing you to go through this. I can’t ever say sorry enough.”

“It is what it is,” Harry chuckles, referring to Louis’ chest tattoo. Louis can’t help but laugh too. He’s missed Harry so much, and his lame sense of humour. “So how have you been?” Harry then asks. They talk for a while, both admitting that not talking to each other is hard, harder than they thought it would be. When the call is coming to an end Louis hurries to ask, “Can I still send you snippets of the new songs I have written? I find myself starting to send one almost every night, but I have to stop myself. I wish I didn’t have to.”

“I miss those,“ Harry admits. “You can keep sending them if you want.”

Louis feels so happy, even in the middle of all this mess, Harry still wants to hear from him. They say their goodbyes and hang up. Maybe something good can come out of this nightmare. At least he’s allowed to send Harry messages again, and he got to talk to him briefly.

Later that day Louis’ PR team releases a statement that Louis was hugging his friend who has been with them on tour. They also leak some private pics of Harry and Louis from their engagement party. The pics were taken for their upcoming wedding articles but Lisa said they would serve a better purpose here. Later Harry gets papped, but he’s smiling in the pics, wearing the ring just as he promised. When Louis sees the pics he has to send Harry a message, telling him how much he appreciates everything Harry does for him, for them. He gets a string of smiley emojis as an answer. Seems like Kyle’s actions didn’t do much damage, thankfully

Later in the week Liam comes to Louis. “Did you hear that Kyle packed his bags and left?” Louis looks at him like he has given him the best present in the world. “Really? He really left?” Louis asks excited.

“Yeah, he said this isn’t worth his time. He has better things to do, more famous people to fuck,” Liam answers. “It looks like he really was just a gold digger. Sam feels horrible about bringing him in.”

“At least he’s gone now. And his NDA is bullet proof. He can never sell his story to the press or he will lose everything he owns and then some.” Louis smiles. Sometimes he loves their legal team for being so uptight with all the paperwork being done properly.

“So, how’s Harry? I saw some pics of him. He looked happy.” Liam asks carefully. “We talked. We agreed that the no contact rule was a bit harsh for us. I started to send him songs again,” Louis answers while smiling his private little Harry smile as it’s come to be known.

“You two, honestly. Even when arguing you guys are the sappiest couple I know. I really hope everything turns out okay,” Liam says while shaking his head. He’s smiling though, he knows Louis and Harry belong together, and seeing them arguing was the worst thing happen to Louis.

That evening after their show Louis sits down with his guitar, he wrote a song last night and is dying to hear what Harry thinks of it. Before he can start recording though, he notices a voice message from Harry. Harry rarely sends him voice messages. He opens it with shaky fingers. “It’s always been your thing to send me songs but I wrote one, and I really want you to hear it so here it is,” Harry says nervously.

The sound of a piano fills the room and Harry starts singing:

_“I don't ever ask you / Where you've been  
And I don't feel the need to / Know who you're with_

_I can't even think straight / But I can tell_  
_That you were just with him / And I'll still be a fool  
I'm a fool for you_

_Just a little bit of your heart / Just a little bit of your heart_  
_Just a little bit of your heart is all I want / Just a little bit of your heart  
Just a little bit of your heart / Just a little bit is all I'm asking for_

_I don't ever tell you / How I really feel  
Cause I can't find the words to / Say what I mean_

_And nothing's ever easy / That's what they say_  
_I know I'm not your only / But I'll still be a fool  
Cause I'm a fool for you_

_I know I'm not your only / But at least I'm one  
I heard a little love / Is better than none”_

 

When the song fades out Louis just sits there big tears rolling down his cheeks. Harry very rarely lets Louis hear him sing, let alone a song he wrote. Louis has always known Harry writes but he had no idea how beautiful his songs are. He doesn’t know what he should do. Harry still thinks he’s not the only one in Louis’ life, but he still wants him anyway, and is willing to accept his destiny just to have little bit of Louis. It hurts. He can’t believe how wrong Harry has interpreted the situation. Harry is his one and only. There will never be anyone more important to him that Harry is.

It’s Louis’ turn to open the recording app. “Harry love,” Louis starts. “Your song is absolutely beautiful but it broke my heart. You are my only one, and always will be. I love you so much, it’s killing me that you think I would ever love someone else like I love you. And you don’t have to share me, not ever again. I wrote a song too, so it’s your turn to listen.”

Louis starts to play his guitar and sings:

_“My heart, / Your heart  
Sit tight like book ends._

_Pages / Between us_  
_Written with no end. / So many words we're not saying._  
_Don't wanna wait 'til it's gone. / You make me strong._

_I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."_  
_But I don't care, / I'm not scared of love._  
_'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker. / Is that so wrong?_  
_Is it so wrong / That you make me strong?_

_Think of / How much / Love that's been wasted._

_People / Always / Trying to escape it._  
_Move on to stop their heart breaking._  
_But there's nothing I'm running from._  
_You make me strong._

_So, baby, hold on to my heart, oh, oh._  
_Need you to keep me from falling apart._  
_I'll always hold on._  
_'Cause you make me strong.”_

 

Louis can only hope this message will make Harry understand how important he is to Louis, and most importantly that he is the only man in Louis’ life.

Louis doesn’t get another song from Harry but he does get a message with a string of heart-eye emojis afterwards. Maybe he is getting through to Harry. Louis cannot wait for the US leg to be over so he can go home to Harry, or at least he hopes Harry will be there.

\--------------------------------

The last few weeks of US leg are agony for Louis. The shows go really well, he loves being on stage, and doesn't feel like he has to take a step back anymore When he’s up there he can forget about the mess he has created in his life. In the meet & greets though the fans keep asking him about Harry. He flashes coy smiles and gives them somewhat vague and cryptic answers. He doesn’t like lying but at the same time he needs to protect his privacy, and Harry’s, even more than he normally would. When radio hosts start asking about his relationship, Kyle, and a possible break up the management decides it’s time to blacklist Harry and Kyle altogether. Even they think it’s better to not talk about Louis’ private life at the moment, no matter how hot the subject is.

In his free time, Louis still writes songs with Liam or hangs out with the band and the crew, normal tour stuff, but mostly he just misses Harry. He wishes he could just drop everything and go home to his fiancé, but that’s not how the real world works. Everyone has noticed how miserable Louis is these days. Their makeup artist keeps asking him if everything is okay while she’s working on his face, and Louis ends up telling her most of what had happened. She gives him a sympathetic smile, she knows how hard it is to be away from their families, especially in situations like this, she split up from her boyfriend whilst working on tour. It makes Louis feel a bit better, knowing someone understands, although he feels awful they couldn’t work it out. Silently he hopes that he and Harry will be different.

Louis skypes with Lottie a lot. She gives him a different perspective to his situation, making him understand why it’s so hard for Harry to get over this no matter how much Louis tells him he loves him. “When did you get so wise, little sister?” Louis asks once when they are coming to the end of their call. Lottie giggles, “Well, you’re not the only one going through relationship stuff, Louis.”

“Did someone hurt you?” Louis asks. Suddenly he’s furious, no one should ever hurt his little sister like that.

“No, but I might have been talking to Harry,” Lottie admits. “He didn’t want to tell Gemma, cause he knew she would come and kick your ass. But I told him you told me, so he felt comfortable enough to talk to me.”

Louis feels somewhat relieved. Harry still keeps in touch with his family and trusts them enough to actually talk to them about difficulties he’s having. “Is Harry alright? Does he seem to hate me?”

“I promised him I won’t tell you what we talk about, just like I won’t tell him what you and I talk about. You’ll get nothing out of me, big brother. But I’ll say this much, he misses you, a lot,” Lottie tells him.

“Thank you. And I respect your promise to him. I miss him too. Tell him that when you talk to him next time,” Louis pleads.

“Oh, he knows,” Lottie laughs. “Your overly sappy songs have made it pretty clear. You should really tone it down a notch.”

“Have you been listening my songs?” Louis asks, confused. “Well, I mean, yes kinda. Harry has played few of them to me. But he only did it because he wanted to make me understand what he’s dealing with. He said he never plays them to anyone else. Not even Niall,” Lottie answers.

“Okay, then. Fair enough,” Louis crumbles. Guess Harry has a right to play those songs to Lottie since Lottie helps him too. “But I’ll let you go now, we leave in few hours and I still need to pack.”

“When are you coming home?” Lottie asks. “One more week. I’m flying home a day early. I cannot wait to see Harry. But it’s a surprise, you can’t tell him. I know he’s staying at Niall’s, so I wanted to go home and clean up a bit for if he comes back home to me,” Louis tells her about his plans, one more week and hopefully he will have Harry in his arms again.

“Just remember, this might not turn out how you want it to go. Harry has to want it too,” Lottie warns him. Louis agrees, of course he does, although it scares him. He knows both of them need to be willing to work on their relationship. They say their goodbyes and Louis starts to pack, two more shows and it’s time to go home.

The week passes slowly, but it’s finally time to fly home. Harry is expecting him on Saturday evening but Louis got their management to let him fly home early. That’s why he’s on their doorstep at midnight on Friday night. He’s been surprisingly calm all day but now he’s feeling antsy. He gets his keys out and pulls the door open.

The house is quiet. It’s usually never this quiet when he comes home. Usually Harry is there running to him the minute he opens the door. Louis slips in and puts his bags on the floor and drops his keys in the bowl. When he starts taking off his shoes he notices that Harry’s shoes are by the door, the ones that he always wears for work. He checks the bowl where they keep their keys and yes, Harry’s keys are there right next to his own.

That means Harry is home. Louis thought he would see Harry tomorrow, after he had settled down and unpacked his bags. All the nerves come rushing back. Harry is here, somewhere, but the house is dark, maybe he’s sleeping. Louis tiptoes upstairs to their bedroom. He slowly opens the door not wanting to disturb.

There Harry is, sleeping peacefully on their bed. He decides to take a shower in their guest bathroom because he’s feeling gross after the long flight and he doesn’t want to wake Harry up. Not yet. After he’s clean, he walks back to main bedroom. Harry is still peacefully snoring away. Louis loves that sound.

He lifts the duvet and slips in behind Harry, hoping that that’s ok to do. “Hazza, baby. It’s me, I came home a little early.” But Harry doesn’t wake up, he just snuggles closer to Louis in his sleep and pulls Louis’ hands around him. And then Louis feels it. The ring is on his finger. Louis buries his face in Harry’s neck and smiles wide. “I love you baby, so much. I’m going to make you the happiest man on earth. I promise.” Quite quickly Harry’s steady breathing lulls Louis to sleep.

On Friday Harry had decided to pack his bags and move back to their house from Niall’s flat. He had decided to give them another chance. Louis had made a mistake and it hurt, but Harry was sure they could get over it, if they just worked hard enough, together. When he entered the house he felt like coming home, all the happy memories flooding back. Harry knew Louis would be coming back the next day so he had plenty of time to clean and make the house feel lived in again. After he had cleaned the place, he had showered quickly and then got into their bed. The last thing he did before we went to sleep was put his ring on. It felt right.

Harry wakes up slowly. He feels warm and safe in a way he hasn’t felt in weeks. Six weeks to be exact. He only feels like this when he wakes up in Louis’ arms. Slowly he becomes aware of his surroundings. Someone is softly breathing into his neck while their hands are around Harry, their fingers entwined and their hard cock is pressed against Harry’s bum. That someone feels a lot like Louis. Harry turns around so fast he wakes Louis up in the process.

“You’re home! How are you home?” he squeals. Louis looks at him giving him a sleepy smile, “I came home early. I missed you so much that my management lost their minds with me and let me come home a little bit early.”

Harry hugs him tightly and kisses him, “I missed you too. I missed waking up next to you, hearing your morning voice.” Harry kisses him again and Louis hums happily into the kiss. But then Harry grinds their hard cocks together, “I’ve also missed feeling you against me.” Louis groans, “Please don’t tease me. It’s been six weeks since we last had sex. I’m like a walking horndog. Every thought of you makes me hard.”

Harry smirks and starts to get up, “I suggest then that you sit up while I do something you might like.” Louis eagerly sits up, his back against their headboard while Harry finds their lube and turns his back on Louis and gets on his knees. “No touching,” he tells Louis and spreads lube on his own fingers and starts opening himself up. Louis has always had a hard time keeping his hands to himself, especially when Harry is presenting himself to Louis like this. Today is not an exception.

“Please let me touch you. It’s been too long,” Louis whines while he watches Harry’s fingers disappear into his tight hole. His hands slowly sneaking around his own cock when he thinks Harry doesn’t see. Immediately Harry stops his movements, “I said no touching, that includes your dick too.”

“But baby, you look so good. I need to touch you,” Louis begs. He doesn’t care how needy he sounds, he just wants to feel Harry. “Not yet,” Harry says while going back to what he was doing, satisfied that Louis’ hands are staying away from his cock, even when it’s blurting out precome. Harry lets out a loud moan when he finds his prostate and starts to massage it. “Feels so good. It makes me so hot to know you’re watching, just waiting for me even though your cock is dripping.”

Louis doesn’t know what he has done to deserve this sweet torture. “Hazza, please,” he keeps pleading. “I want to make you feel good. Let me make you feel good.”

When Harry decides he’s open enough he pulls his fingers out and moves on to Louis’ lap, straddling him. “You want to make me feel good? I’m all yours then. Do your magic loverboy,” he smirks and Louis doesn’t waste a moment. He lubes himself up and starts to push himself into Harry’s tight heat. They both groan at the same time when Louis finally bottoms out. “I have missed this,” Harry admits, and starts to move slowly while Louis answers his movements with his own.

They move in sync like they’re made for each other, Louis’ cock massaging Harry’s prostate while being deep inside him. “Oh god, you feel good. So perfect, so beautiful. My perfect boy,” Louis babbles while his hands wander all over Harry’s body. Louis kisses Harry’s neck, leaving a string of lovebites after him. He sucks one of Harry’s nipples in his mouth, and Harry shudders under him.

Louis knows Harry’s body so well. He knows how to get a reaction out of him, how to make him come in seconds, how to take him apart slowly. How on earth did he ever even think about letting this all go?

Harry stops his movements, “I can hear you thinking, love. Are you okay?” Louis looks up to him, and he can’t stop the tears. “I just love you so much. I’m so sorry I hurt you so bad. I don’t ever want to lose you, lose this. I couldn’t make it without you.”

And just like that Harry starts to well up too. He puts his arms around Louis and hides his face into Louis’ neck. “I love you too. I don’t know how I would have survived if you had left me,” he admits.

“I would have been a fool if I had ever let you go. You, Harry, are the best thing in my life. I want everything with you. I need you with me every day,” Louis says, and starts to move again. “I’ll never get tired of you, making love to you, making you happy.”

Harry also finds his pace and is soon letting out sweet moans. Louis sneaks his hand around Harry’s length and starts to stroke. He’s close, and wants to come at the same time as Harry. Louis knows exactly what to say to get Harry to come. “I want to marry you and grow old with you,” he whispers in Harry’s ear, and that’s game over for Harry. He clenches hard around Louis’ dick and comes with a loud moan. Louis follows after him, emptying himself inside Harry.

“That was an unfair move,” Harry says while they are both catching their breath. “I know, but what can I do. You always come instantly when I talk about us growing old together,” Louis teases Harry. Harry’s cheeks turn pink and he hides his face in his hands. “It’s embarrassing,” Harry says while hiding behind his hands.

“No love, it’s really not. It’s actually the hottest thing I have ever seen. And in case you didn’t notice, I came straight after you. So you’re not alone,” Louis says and pries Harry’s hands away from his face. “I love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. I will do anything to make that happen. Harry, I’m all in. 100 percent.”

Harry gives him the happiest smile his dimples showing. “I love you too and me too, I’m all in, 100 percent.”

They spend the rest of the day in bed. Sleeping, talking and making love. Tomorrow they will tell their friends and families that they are back together. Tomorrow they will have the difficult talk they need to have with each other. Tomorrow they will start thinking how they can avoid a similar thing happening to them in the future. But today is for pleasure. Today they just enjoy each other and don’t worry about anything else. Today they celebrate their love. Tomorrow can wait, just a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot believe I actually wrote a fic and it turned out to be over 20k.
> 
> This has been a journey that I couldn't have done without my lovely beta [Michelle](https://aslowmotionaccident.tumblr.com/)  
> You gave this fic so much more depth and helped me every step of the way. I can never thank you enough! <3
> 
> And thank you to my other lovely beta [Sammie](https://britpickerhl.tumblr.com) for giving me the confidence boost when I needed.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the fic. All the comments and kudos mean a lot to me. <3  
> If you wish, come say hi on [tumblr](http://cristalrush.tumblr.com/)  
> And if you liked it maybe you could reblog my [fic post](http://cristalrush.tumblr.com/post/164717131939/if-im-being-honest-by-cristalrush-pairings)  
> Thank you so much!
> 
> EDIT: I totally forgot! The songs Louis sends to Harry are Honest by The Chainsmokers and Strong by One Direction.  
> The song Harry sends to Louis is Just A Little Bit of Your Heart by Ariana Grande.


End file.
